Later today (august 15, I’m couple of hours past midnight my time), I’ll be releasing the swedish original of the Self which wasn’t mine (Jaget som inte var mitt). I am so scared. Scared to death, almost. Bloody hell. And yet, I couldn’t not do this. This book had to be written, and it has to be released.
It’s been a long time since I did something like this. I have exhibited photography, which was equally scary. The first time I did a portrait photography session and sold photographs from it, I was also so very scared. It is incredibly scary to present something you’ve created, to the public.
The difference between anything I’ve done before, and this, is that this is so very personal. The book is all about memories and experiences I’ve had that made me who I am, and none of those I brought up are very pleasant. At all.
What if people won’t like my book. What if they don’t even buy it. Or what if they buy it, and want their money back because they think it’s so bad. What if they don’t like the format it has.
I am going to assume that I am not the only one feeling this way. I am going to assume that most authors feel this way, especially about their first book. I am also going to assume that people who are brave enough to write about things so personal, so intimate and vulnerable, are also scared to death for the release of their book, blog or whatever medium they use for their writing.
But I can’t remember ever feeling like this about anything I wrote on any of my blogs. And I’ve had quite a few (still do, to be honest with you).
And I am not only scared of what people will think of my work. I am also scared that the functionality of buying the book will fuck up in one way or the other. That things won’t work properly, and that I have to fix stuff I don’t know how to fix.
I do hope that at least a few people will buy this book, but at this moment, I could easily do without this pressure. Tell everyone that I won’t be releasing the book, not ever. Just keep it to myself, like I always do.
But I can’t do that either. Too many people know that the book is done and about to be published, and the content is too important not to be shared. So I can’t sit on it, refusing to let it out in the open. I have to.
So I guess I’ll just have to face my fears and let the show go on. What’s the worst that can happen? Nobody buys my book. People hate it. I’ve lived through worse. If that happens, I’ll live through that as well.
But keep your fingers crossed people will love it. ♥